2 weeks ago we finally received some results we have anxiously been awaiting. We were told we could add wheat & milk into our son’s diet as a trial to see how he responded. We were relieved to be able to say yes to a lot more stuff. But for me this has been mixed with anxiety. Everyone celebrated with us & don’t get me wrong it has been a very good thing. He has responded great. I haven’t seen one thing so far that has made me wonder how his body is handling it. I have learned that he would eat his weight in cheese if I let me. He even seems to be happier & more satisfied. Almost, as if, for the first time in 3 years, he finally feels full.
The few weeks before the trial, he was starting to show a little bit of food obsession. So to able to relax what & where he can eat has been a blessing. This picture of him is a picture I have waited 3 years to take. 3 years of not being able to share a pizza as a family. 3 years without being able to be normal. It wasn’t organic. It wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t “real food” but it was a joyous night after soccer practice. A night we celebrated. For me this is huge because every Friday night as a kid, our family would order pizza & eat in the living room. We didn’t eat out/get take out during the week & I didn’t even care that we were watching the nightly news, all I remembered was pizza & the occational TGIF if the night was running late (Steve Urkel anyone?)
There is a flip side though, for me at least. Along with these trials comes a level of anxiety. Anxiety for how his body is responding to the new foods. Anxiety wondering if I am missing something I should be seeing. But also, for the 3 years my son has been basically been on a plant-based diet. He ate meat but that was the only animal product he had. I almost feel like I am back at square one. I have learned so much about the vegan & plant-based lifestyle over the last few years & have become so accustom to that, thinking about him having a more regular diet of animal products (cheese, yogurt, milk) is stressful for me.
I am thinking not only about the allergy side of things, but the impact on his health. Studies have shown that a plant-based diet is better for the body & the overall health of the individual than a diet based on animal products. I can’t help but feel like I am feeding him junk after him having been so plant strong the last few years. I wonder if he will get sick. I wonder if his health will change. The last few days, I have felt like I am feeding him junk, when actually his meals are incredibly well-rounded & he eats very little junk.
So while yes….I am happy for the relief on our grocery budget & the relief to say yes more than no; I am wound so tightly about food, I wonder if I will relax soon or if it will take years to undo what this forced lifestyle has done to me.
Until then….pizza for dinner!